They Will Never Know

Currently I am sitting in Korzó Étterem in Baja, Hungary. I'm here because I went to another place to eat (on route 55) and was denied entry. From everything I understood the male was saying, it was because my stomach was uncovered (photo of my outfit below). Now that I've had time to think about the encounter, I understand that sometimes, there is a dress code. I've visited other csardas in Hungary; they are like rest-stop restaurants. Never once have I gotten the vibe that there was a dress code, especially given that the male who denied me entry was wearing jeans and a t-shirt 🤔 At this point, I expect this type of behavior. Yesterday, I went to handle some business, something particular I've done before, in Hungary. Well, this time the female individual told me, after I handed her my U.S. passport, that I neded an address card; this is absolutely not true. My presence, my look, the color of my skin, my willingness to sacrifice everything to be myself, bothers them, tremendously. They try to find any reason to block me, stop me, from my path. They fail and will fail, everytime. Why they fail is simple: they're too concerned with a life that isn't theirs; they will never know me. Everything I've sacrificed to be in these moments, they will never know. All they see is the "Tammi" before them today, in the moments they cross my path. My life is for me, my thoughts, my actions, the restraint I maintain in the midst of their constant, willful ignorance, all for me. I must be who I am, at my core, that part of me they will never know. Even during my explosions of anger and hurt, they still fail to see what lies beneath. Yes, they probably do feel powerful in the moments they tell me "no." When they in some manner or another reject me or prohibit my actions in some way. They may feel as though they've rejected everything they feel has oppressed and taken from them throughout history and in their daily lives (the hate for migrants here is palpable). No matter their pseudo-cathartic ineffective actions, they are never altering my path. My path is there for me to see, to discover. I am protected, blessed, inspired, me. I am learning to let go of all the things that weigh me down, regress or repress me. And so, I move on, in peace, strength and will. AnomaLeOverT.I.M.E 💚